You Can't Repeat the Past.

Hey everyone! Happy Late Mother's Day to all of the mommies who read my blog :) and to my mommy, who in my opinion is the best one out there!

I just have to take a minute and say thank you to all of you who have been following along with my blog and thank you for taking a few minutes to sit down and read my crazy ramblings! My blog has had over 2,350 views in just 2 and a half months... That is WAY more than I ever thought! I truly hope and pray that this blog ministers to someone or touches someone's heart as they read. Maybe you're experiencing a heartache that has nothing in common with our heartache, but you can relate to the emotions and frustrations that we are experiencing. Or maybe you or someone you know has been injured in a motorcycle accident or might be an amputee. Perhaps your life is going great and it just makes you happy to read along! Whatever the case may be, thank you for traveling on this journey with me. It really means a lot to know that so many care about what a young small-town girl like myself has to say!

Dad is doing really well! Mentally and emotionally he has recovered from his fall, but not quite physically. His stump is still VERY swollen and sore. Tuesday he went to his prosthetic doctor and even he was not too happy with dad's stump. This week will make three weeks since he has been able to do therapy, and that is no good! The other night he told me that it makes him so mad to see his new leg sitting against the wall and he can't do anything with it. Yesterday he went to the after hours clinic at OSMI, which is where he goes for his check-ups with his surgeon. There is no fracture, and they gave him some medication to help with the swelling and pain. Please be praying for dad and that he will heal quickly so he can get back to walking!

Dad is also getting ready to start back to work full-time instead of part-time. He loves his job and where he works, and we are so fortunate to have their understanding and support. I have had many people who have asked me where dad works. He started working at Gulf Coast Supply in Alachua just a few months before his accident. From the start, it was evident that their company had a great group of people with great integrity and truly cared about their employees. The night before dad's accident he told me and my family about a possible promotion to outside sales in the near future, and he was ecstatic. When the accident happened, of course the thought of bills and money scared me, because there was no way I could pay for them on my own. And what about the future? Would they still keep dad's job? Then one day when we were in the ICU, one of dad's bosses came to see him. My uncle talked to him for a bit and then he came and sat down with me and told me that they loved my dad and that whenever he was ready, his job would be waiting on him. I just busted out crying in the waiting room because 1) that weight was lifted off of my chest and 2) I was overjoyed by how loved my dad was. They continued to visit dad, and right before dad was released from rehab, they bought him an iPad for Christmas from the company. Needless to say, my family and I LOVE Gulf Coast Supply, and I'm just throwing this in for free... if you ever need any metal, roofing supplies, etc, Gulf Coast is where you need to go! They have great Christian values and they are a great group of people, including this cool guy named Barry. ;)

Now, it is time for some more of my crazy rambling... Hehe. :)

Last Saturday, Shane and I went and saw the new movie, "Gatsby." I have not read the book, but I really enjoyed the movie! I thought the special effects were awesome and as always, Leo DiCaprio was as handsome and debonair as ever. The next day I started thinking about the movie and the message it wanted to get across to the audience. To me, that's how you know you've seen a good movie: when you leave with something that you didn't expect. From the previews, I expected to see a passionate love story, extravagant parties, and a happy ending. Without ruining the movie for those who plan to see it, let's just say I didn't see all of those things.

When I thought the movie was about to go in a certain direction, it would pull a u-turn and go somewhere else. Overall, I left the movie thinking about the past. The entire movie revolved around the question: can you repeat the past? Can you change it? Unless you have a time machine, you cannot change the past, but.... can you repeat it? That question and idea has been cooking in the back of my mind ever since.

Everyone always tells us that we shouldn't regret the past because everything happens for a reason and we learn from it. I can't speak for anyone, but I know that for myself, I do. Yes, I learn from my mistakes and better myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't desperately wish for a remote control that I can use to rewind to past decisions and change the outcome. Looking back, I have made decisions that have literally changed the course of my life. And there are some that I'm not sure if I will ever forgive myself for making. There are people that I have hurt, bridges I have burnt, memories I have erased, and tears that I have shed that I wish I could change. I'm not sure if you've ever heard the song "A Lot of Things Different" by Kenny Chesney, but I will never forget hearing that song and crying when I heard the line, "People say they wouldn't change, even if they could... Oh, but I would."

I have desperately tried all throughout my life to hold on to the past and keep wishing for another chance. I sometimes felt as though I was watching others get chance after chance after chance, while I sat in the background just waiting for my second one. Over the years, holding onto things in the past left a bitterness in me; a feeling of anger for things not going the way that I wanted them. I can remember praying to God, so selfishly, knowing that if it was His will, it would have happened.

Then there are times when I'm thankful for the past. I'm thankful for memories with friends and family, and yes, even for some of the mistakes I made. Some people hold on so desperately to the past,  as if it's the only thing keeping them afloat. I've been there, and it is not a fun place to be. It's hard for our fragile minds to truly understand that the past is the past and all we can do is move forward. I don't know about you, but I don't handle change well, which is kind of funny when you think about it because our world is changing constantly. The only thing that has remained consistent in my ever-changing world, is the unconditional love and grace from the One who holds the pen in His hand and who knows every pain and joy I will experience. He holds my future, and that means that nothing can catch him by surprise.

So, even though I may regret things in my past, I can't change it, and I can't repeat it. No matter how I try. Like Gatsby, he had to learn the hard way that things change, and we can't live in the past. So rather than dwelling on it, I move forward. I choose to look ahead. With change, there comes a new normal. for example, when my parents got divorced, my world was shattered and the normal I thought I new, became awkward and forced. Eventually, as time went by, my sister and I had to let go of the past and begin adjusting to a "new" normal. While it wasn't the normalcy we wanted, we realized it was either sink or swim. As we began to heal and adjust, dad's accident happened. Once again, our world was shattered and the normal we were beginning to become familiar with became foreign, and our lives were in limbo. Now, we are once again having to adjust to a new normal, but this time, I welcome this new normal. Compared to the one I was adjusting to a year ago, I must say that this one is much better. Relationships are stronger, past hurts are forgiven, and our faith has been tested and proved. I look forward to the day when I can look back on this time and smile, because I will know that it was the catalyst that set in motion a stronger future for my family and I. Who knew such beauty could come from the past?

Blessings ~

Shelby

P.S. - Just for fun, I thought I would post some oldies ;)

My dad, sister and I in 2005.

Dad and Makayla - look at that grin!

Makayla and I 11 years ago.

Dad and his overalls...

One of my favorites!

Dad and I after climbing Stone Mountain...maybe one day we will do this again! :)

6 Months Forward, 6 Steps Back

Hey everyone! It's May! Anyone know what May is...? May is motorcycle awareness month! Challenge yourself and those in your family to be more aware and watch for motorcycles! In my dad's case, he would still have his leg. A couple of weeks ago, some friends and I went to the Clay County Fair. I was driving in my car down SR 16 through Penny Farms, which is a 2-lane road. A couple of motorcycles pulled out in front of me, so I slowed down and got about 50 yards behind them. I then watched in shock at how one of them literally road right next to the center line!! Almost like he was daring someone to hit him! The cars coming the opposite direction were having to ride on the shoulder to miss him. Then I got MAD. I'm talking smoke-coming-out-of-my-ears mad. I started begging God to let him turn into the fair grounds so I could give him a piece of my mind! But God knows better than I, so the guy didn't turn in when I did. So instead, I asked God to make him get over or get off the road. We need to be aware of motorcycles, but motorcycle drivers also need to be aware of cars. The night of dad's accident the car came across the center line and by the time dad and Michelle saw it, it was too late. Help save a life!

May also means it's the end of the semester! Wahoo! I'm looking forward to a few months without tests and homework. :) I will be applying for my program this month as well, so there are lots of exciting things going on! Please be praying for me as I get ready to apply and endure the long three months of waiting for a response. :)

When a person goes through a storm, just because the rain stops pouring doesn't mean the damage has been repaired. It's like the calm after a tornado comes through. You're thankful that the worst part is over, but just the thought of the clean-up that will have to take place is enough to send you over the edge. That's kind of how I have felt over the past couple of weeks. Today is six months since dad's accident. SIX MONTHS! I can remember sitting in his hospital room just wishing that I could fast-forward six months. And now we are here! Dad has come so far along over the past six months, and I couldn't be more proud. But... that doesn't mean that the damage that has been done to him or our family has been fully repaired.

As some of you know, on April 16th my boyfriend's dad had to have emergency open-heart surgery for an aortic aneurism. It was a very scary process, but after a few days things seemed to be getting better. Then one Tuesday night when I got off of work, it was around 10pm, Shane called me and told me that they were taking him back for exploratory surgery due to him having a fever of 105, and they couldn't figure out what was going on. So they were going to have to go in and try a hands-on approach. I immediately took off for Gainesville. Mr. Danny's room is in the North Tower at Shands (the old side), but my dad's was in the South Tower (the new side). When I got to Gainesville, Shane said that they would be doing his dad's surgery in the South Tower. When I got there, Shane and his family were still across the road, so they told me to go ahead and go to the second floor waiting room. As I sat in those chairs, it felt as if I had never left. Like I was still waiting on that November 4th night for the verdict. Would my dad live or die? I could remember each surgery that we sat in those comfy leather seats. When Shane's family got there, we waited for a couple of hours and then finally the doctor came out...and it was the SAME doctor that operated on dad the night of his accident! Earlier that day, my dad had the chance to meet him and several ICU nurses when he was there visiting Shane's dad and a friend of ours. Small world, right? Shane's dad pulled through the surgery, but they were still unable to find the problem, but he began getting better again. A few days later I was back over there and he had just gotten the ventilator out. As I stood there in his room...hearing the beeping machines, seeing the hundreds of wires, watching his  monitor, I got sick to my stomach.

I then went to the bathroom and sat down and began to sob. Sobbing at the memories. The nightmares that haunted my dreams for weeks. Sobbing at having to watch his family experience the feeling of helplessness that I became so familiar with. Sobbing because I feel like I will never leave Shands UF, and that someone I love and care about will always be here. After I had my little "moment", I wiped my eyes and stood up - determined to be strong for Shane and his family. Throughout all of this I have tried to let them know that they are not alone, and that I am willing to fight through this with them.

*Side note - please keep praying for Mr. Danny. He is still struggling to heal. I know his family would greatly appreciate the prayers.*

All of that is to say, we may be six months ahead. Six months further from a time I never want to experience again. Six months closer to a day when things will one day be normal again. But there are days when I feel six steps back. Like that night in the hospital with Shane's family. My mind and heart are still healing from those images and long days and nights.

Dad also had his first nasty fall last Sunday... Last weekend we were out at the lake celebrating my birthday, and we were staying in a little cottage out there. On Sunday I had to go into work for a few hours, so my mom and my sister were outside while my dad was inside watching a movie. He drove his Jazzy (his electric scooter) over to the fridge and got a drink and then drove back over to the couch. When he went to stand up, his shoe slipped on the tile floor. His stump literally caught his fall. The bone hit right against the tile and his butt hit the footrest on the scooter. The drink busted so he fell in some glass. Thankfully, my mom was right outside and heard him yell for her. He's okay, but it definitely shook him up. His stump started swelling the next day and he is very, very stiff and sore. Needless to say, we have all been a little more careful and cautious when it comes to him getting around. I can tell it really scared dad, to the point where it took him a little bit before he would walk with his crutches. But he is doing better and he is being a trooper, as always. :)

It's moments like those when I am reminded how we still have healing to do.  Emotionally and physically, especially with dad. Dad has defied so many odds that were against him, and he still is. But he is still having to face a drastic change and loss.

My mind is constantly in a million places. I'm always thinking about school, work, dad, Shane, life, painting my toes, and more all at the same time. So that means that I am forgetting things more often than I used to. I understand people may get frustrated when I forget little things, or don't think about things as often as I should, but there are times when I just want to scream! I am sure that many of you can relate, if you have ever been through something like this. I don't necessarily always want to scream at them, but more at me. I become frustrated with myself, because in my mind, I should be able to do everything. I am superwoman and can handle everything going and then some. But then, when I have to face the reality that I can't do everything and I can't handle all that is going on around me, it hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like I'm suffocating...

That's where God's amazing strength and peace comes in. I see the beauty in the fact that I can't do things on my own. It reminds me that I am a weak human, who serves a mighty God. The same God who spoke the Earth into existence, is the same God who speaks to my broken heart. The same God who knows the number of stars in the sky, knows the number of hairs on my head. A couple of years ago, I got a tattoo on my wrist. It was a little spur-of-the-moment thing, but it I wanted it to have meaning. It is simple, just two black sparrows. I never would have known how much it means to me today. Many of you have probably heard the old song, "His Eye is on the Sparrow." At the time I got this tattoo, I was going through so many changes in my life. Changes with my parents, friends, and school. It was then that I wanted to be reminded every day when I looked at that tattoo, that every day, every second, Jesus is watching over me. Matthew 10:29-31 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." For those who have not heard the song, here are the lyrics...

"Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear;
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me."

Beautiful...right? On those days when I feel six steps behind, I begin humming this song, and become determined to not let satan steal mine or my family's joy. 

Speaking of joy... Last Saturday, dad broke out his new KNEE for all of us! It was awesome, and yes, there were some tears shed as some saw him walk for the first time. Many have asked why dad hasn't taken his leg out in public, and that's because A) It wasn't technically "his" yet and B) He can only walk on it for a short amount of time. It is still very painful, but as time goes on and his leg becomes less sensitive, he will be out there showing off for sure. :) Here is a picture of him and my Aunt Joy (his sister), and my cousin Gini (Joy's daughter):

These moments also help us go another six steps forward... We are moving forward baby steps at a time. These past six months have been difficult, to say the least, but I can truly say my dad, sister, myself, and our family have experienced such a deep love for one another that I don't think we would have been able to experience otherwise. I can't wait to see where God takes us in the next six months! Thank you for those who have supported us these past six months, and here's to many more!

Blessings ~

Shelby

Thank You.

I am so very sorry for not having a new post for the past few weeks! Life has been so CrAzY busy lately that I barely have time to eat or sleep. April has been a busy month so far, for dad and I both. Dad started back to work part-time, and he seems really happy to be back in the groove of things. His prosthesis is moving along nicely, he has been trying out several different "knees" to see which best suit him and his needs. It is a very painful process for him though. His stump is very short - pretty much just enough to even have a prosthetic leg. So it sits right on his pelvis and his butt, so it is definitely taking him some getting used to. As time goes on, his stump will shrink and become less sensitive, so with time it will get easier. Right now he has been using his crutches, and he's fast!! His balance is really good and he has gotten to where he can almost do everything on his own. It makes me so proud to see how hard he is working and how positive he has remained throughout this whole process.

April is also my birthday month - whoooooop! The big 2-2. I have been reflecting on the past year of my life, and my my my what a crazy year. I took a semester off from school and finally decided what I wanted to do for my career, I traveled to Italy and London and I saw and experienced things that people only dream of. I went on an 8 day cruise with one of my best friends, I had the privilege of being a bridesmaid in two sweet friend's weddings. I went on a date with this guy I knew from high school, and he ended up being the love of my life and one of the reasons that I made it through these past few months with my sanity. I started back to school with a new outlook and determination, and then BAM! Dad's accident. It is so true that your life can truly change in an instant. I quickly realized that life does not discriminate when it decides to drop a bomb on someone. 21 has held some of my best and worst memories and days. I cannot believe how quickly it has flown by. As I approach 22, I can only hope and pray that God will continue to keep his hand on my family and our lives and we continue on our journey....

Which brings me to my next point - each of you. I'm pretty sure than 99% of you don't know this, and my dad doesn't even know this, but from the night of dad's accident and beyond, I have been keeping a book of names. Names of people who text me, who called me, who came to the hospital for the first week that dad was in the hospital, who brought us food, who gave us money for gas and bills, who wrote me on facebook, who responded to the scene of the accident, and many more. There is NO possible way I could track down each person individually, because there are many who I don't even know personally. So I'm sure there are some names that I will miss, but despite how long this blog will be, I wanted to list each of your names on this blog post and say THANK YOU from the bottom of mine, my sister's, and my family's hearts. It may not be much, but there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of the many people that surrounded us and prayed for us through our darkest days. Even if it was just a text or a facebook post, or a silent prayer - we felt each of them and can never say thank you enough.

So, let's get this started! First, I want to thank the people who saved my dad and Michelle's lives - Rhonda and Jeff. If it had not been for God placing them on that road at that time, there's no telling how long it would have been before someone drove by, and my dad and Michelle would have most likely died. Looking at the "medical" facts, they should have died. But Rhonda and Jeff sat their own fears and problems aside to take care of them, and that is something that I will never be able to say thank you enough for. Some may not know, but minutes after dad's accident, Rhonda and Jeff pulled up to the scene of the accident. At first, they just saw the car that hit the motorcycle, and didn't even know that there were others involved until a few seconds later Rhonda heard people crying out, "Help! Helps us please!" Those cries lead Rhonda and Jeff to find my dad and Michelle and call 911. They tried to remove my dad's belt to use as a tourniquet, but due to his pelvis being broken, they couldn't even unbuckle it without dad crying out in pain. Then they remembered they had a bungy cord in their van, and they wrapped it around his leg until help arrived. They listened to my dad and called the people he told them to call and remained calm. A day or so after the accident, Rhonda found me through facebook and shared with me the story of her finding my dad. A couple of weeks later they came to the hospital and we finally got to meet face to face. As soon as my dad's eyes met theirs, they both began to cry and embrace each other, as if they were life long friends. It is a moment I will never forget. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of them and their bravery. They are our angels, sent by God to save dad and Michelle, and my heart will always hold a special place for them. Thank you Rhonda and Jeff, you are the reason why my dad is still here with us.

Next, I would like to thank the man and woman who stopped and helped Rhonda and Jeff. To this day, we have not been able to track them down. We have asked everyone we can think of who was there that night, and no one remembers them or who they were. Perhaps they were angels sent to help Rhonda and Jeff. I suppose we will never know, but I am hoping that maybe this blog will reach them and they will see this and know that we are thankful for them and their help in saving my dad and Michelle's lives.

Thank you to the men and women who responded to the 911 call that night and came to the accident. I have tried to compile a list of the names and departments that responded, so I hope this is everyone. If I don't list your name or your department, PLEASE message me and let me know so I can post it.

Bradford County EMS- 

Dylan Rodgers
Jim Marburger
Alan Hunsinger
Stuart Brandrick

Cody Johnson

Heilbronn Springs FD- 

Terry McCarthy
Tommy LaFollette
Paul Rodgers
Ernie Williams
Dylan Gault
Steven Goodman
Brandon McCarthy
Mike McKenzie

New River FD-
Dean Bennett
James Balcolm
Andrew Eaves

Union County EMS-
Joel Haas
Mike Pitmann

911 Dispatcher-

Frankie Krol

I understand that this may be an every day thing for each of you, just doing your job. But to my family and I, you each are extraordinary and so brave. The combined efforts of each of you played such a big role that night. The doctors and nurses bragged constantly on how well you took care of dad and Michelle and transported them. They said they knew you took your jobs seriously and truly cared about their lives - which means more than you know. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope I can one day shake each of your hands and hug your necks for being ready and willing to do whatever it takes.

I also want to thank the deputies who escorted the ambulances to Gainesville. Each one who blocked intersections and helped get my dad and Michelle to the hospital as quick as they could. Although I don't know all of your names, I hope you each know how much that means to us. I also hope I can one day shake your hands and hug your necks.

Next I want to thank the people who came to the hospital the first week or so after the accident, and including the night of. The people who came and sat with us in the waiting room, cried with us, and prayed with us. And also for bringing us a lot of krispy kreme dougnuts. :) Please keep in mind that after the first week or so, I couldn't keep up with names and I started back to school so I wasn't there all day, so there may be some names that I miss - PLEASE let me know if I miss your name so I can say thank you!!
First off, my family - Mom, Grandma, Uncle Pooh, Aunt Hollie, Zachary, Uncle Daniel, Aunt Michele, Sommer, Alana, Aunt Joy, Uncle Mike, Gini, Dave, Amber, Sophia, Uncle Doug, Aunt Kathy, Uncle Jimmy, Aunt Cindy, Uncle Kevin, Aunt Donna, Casey & Jason (and girls), Heather (and kids), Clint, Shannon, Shane, John Khune, Dylan Khune, Aunt Christy, Courtney Martin, Trace, Kaylyn Beck, McKenzie Beck, Wendy Barnes, Taylor Barnes, John & Missy Strickland, Uncle Marshall, Aunt Carolyn, Linda, Jennifer McKenzie, Carson, Jessica & Justin Mccelhenny, Hailey & Alley Mccelhenny, Mamaw and Papaw, Doyle and Brenda Thomas, Danny & Kristen Davis (and Ryan).
Our friends - Charles Warren, Kasey Warren, Clint Williams, Kim Warren, Logan Johnson, Laci Smith, Debbie Smith, Kaitlyn Fitzgerald, Joy Johnson, Becki Zelnar, Ron Denmark, JoAnn Denmark, Perry Nicula, Gayle Nicula, Evan Denmark, Rick Norman, Denise Norman, Matt Stafford, Charity Pittman, Randy Pittman, Joy Stafford, Maggie, Fred & Marlene Stafford, Rick Ward, Cindy Ward, Jay Eaves, Vicki Eaves, Doug Ashley, Sherry Ashley, Ryan & Brittany Rhoden, Carolynn Cragg, Lisa Prevatt, Jenna Rowland, Bryson, Samantha Balkcom, Leslie Balkcom, Charnelle Whittemore, Mike Whittemore, Carrie Crews, Stephanie Human, Sam Griffis, Dale Prevatt, Tim Huggins, Alan Kerr, Sandy Darden, Wyvonna, April Mitola, Don & April Kelly, Justin Kirksey, Melissa Kirksey, Hannah Bolton, Matt Dyal, Ray Bowen, Ken Mullikin, Amy Mullikin, Danny Parmenter, Debbie Parmenter, Margret Sirmons, Loren and Debbie Boone, The men of the 3/20th Special Forces (Dad's old unit), Tracy & Suzanne McCree, Terry & Lamar Anderson, Barry Bolton, Laura Nicula, Meaghan Parmenter, John Culliman, Regina & Kristapher James, Linda Wilson, Betty Cassel, Lara Gabriel, , Maxie Norton, Tricia Clark, Karen Clark, John Clark, Richard & Debbie Sapp, Dad's boss/coworkers (sorry, I never got all of your names!).

Thank you to Mr. Rick Ward and Alan Kerr for arranging a hotel room for us for the first week after dad's accident. It was so nice to be right by the hospital in case anything happened. Thank you for being so thoughtful and for doing that for our family!

Next Up... Facebook. Like I said earlier, these are the names of people who posted on my wall and who messaged me. There is no way I can see every single person who made a status about my dad (unless they tagged me in it) or who wrote to him, my mom, my sister, etc... So please know that I appreciate EACH of your posts, even if I don't know each of your names. Heeeere we go....

Thank you - to those who posted a status update: April Mitola, Stephanie Griffis, Maria Herbert, Megan Sweat, Jenna Rowland, Sheila Stockdale, Lynitra Jeffers, Jenna Hewett, Terrisa Griffis, Heather Bowen, Mamaw, Gwen Crawford, Savannah Chastain, Karen Jackson, Karen Crook, Nicole Knight, Pat Lawson, Megan Seals, Abbie Clark, Katie Willingham, Marrissa Greenwell, Stephanie Swanz, Aunt Hollie, Brittany Rhoden, Charnelle Whittemore Realty, Veronica Harris, Amber Hersey, Gini Solano, Heather Jackson, Wade Williams, Liz Davis, Kristie Luther, Carol Plant, Kristen Davis, Debbie Smith, Samantha Balkcom, Linda Lee, Ken & Gayle Weaver.

Thank you - to those who private messaged me: Rebecca Bennett, Meghan Woods, Brittany Rhoden, Joel Haas, Terissa Griffis, Shelly Bowen, Don Kelly, Debbie Smith, April Lee, Nathan Thornton, Samantha Reek, Mandi Lamonda, Brenda Jones, Kaitlin Williams, Stacey Hendrix, Jane Greene, Lori Mann, Erin Smith, Jean Hardee, Carol Plant, Curtis Crawford, Jaren Sapp, Janet Harrell-Hilley, Jamie Darden, Robin Peeples, Heather Clouser, Heather Loucks Phillips, Tammy Boone, Allison Hayes Lunn, Shannon Ellington, Emily Riggs, Stefanie Wiggins, DaNita Dowdy, DJ Riddick, Matt Stucky, Lisa Brannon, Hannah Tucker, Krista Ryan Smith, Hillary Crews, Lisa Tatum, Freddie Stephens Jr., Kaci Tetstone, Casey Hays, Tangela Pittman, Matt Steffen, Heather Green, Kellie Converse, Shelby Ezell, Marjorie Morton, Tommy Hilliard, Heather Padgett, Kimberly Brooks, Chelsea Nugent, Loretta Carter, Connie Mitchell, Leslie Johns McGee, Julia Rippinger, Harry Hatcher, Garhett Wilson, Kristian Thurman, Shannon Whitaker, Berenice Romo Galindo, Beth Rutherford, Stephanie Swanz, Linda Peterson McAlister, Randy Dukes, Lisa Hicks, Sherry Ashley, Terri Johnson, Darlene Lee, Monica Kadlec, Karen Jackson, Cheryl King, Michelle Elliott, John Cooper, Laura Alligood, Kay Waters, Kim Wimpy, Kenneth Dewitt, Renae Sapp, Sissy Lee, Brenda Thornton, Michael Young, Morgan Casey, Karin Coolidge, Ken & Gayle Weaver, Liz Davis, Courtney Everson, Allen Davis, Ken Mullikin, Linda Bennett, Debbie & Loren Boone, Karen Crook, Teresa Faulkner, Diane Ennis, Sharon Norman, Jennifer Darley Brinkley, Francesca Leigh.

Thank you - to those who posted on my wall: Shelby Wring, Rebecca Wise, Stephanie Griffis, Dana Bell, Darah Saucer, Dana Napier, Corina Campbell, Malinda Pellechio, Maria Herbert, Kristie Luther, Karen Jackson, Robin Campbell, Melissa Kirksey, Matt Mullikin, Gwen Crawford, Debra Gay, Sara Shoup, Kaitlin Williams, Brittany Rhoden, Bethany Stockdale, Teddy Harkin, Sheila Stockdale, Shana Douglas, Courtnie Meier, Lisa Dampier, Erica Darden, Donna Tew, Janna Rae Reddish, Leslie Balkcom, Christina Shuford, Samantha Balkcom, Linda Garmon, Janice Lawson, Casey Crawford, Morgan Contois, Haley Norman, Sharon Norman, Brandyn Barksdale, Tricia Clark, Sweetpeas Shop, Kathy Minton, Keith Davis, Lorna Reddish, Wade Williams, Pam Lamb, Morgan Casey, Carol Starr, Terri Darden, Angie Bennett, Sandy Darden, Hannah Trainor, Dodie Sapp, Jessica Outlaw, Megan Seals, Kacie Darden, April Kelly, Kelley Worley, Jennifer Stucky, Monica Robinson, Sunoco Starke, Jared Chapman, Jami Stokes, Lori Davis, Emilie Jackson, Kayla Holsenbeck, Kena Little, Francesca Leigh, Rich Bennett, Mary Torode, Michelle Reid, Aaron Brannon, Kaity Prevatt, Stephanie Jones, Amanda Reed, Pat Lawson, Danny Davis, Kristen Davis, Don Kelly, Nicole Knight, Sarah Gay, Janelle Harris, Kassie Wiseman, Jamie Darden, Erica Reddish, Debbie Sapp, Jenna Hewett, Mabry Burch, Rose Sansing, Suzanne McCree, Linda Cubbedge, Abbie Clark, Carol Plant, Haley Anders, Glenda Bass, Katie Willingham, Kirk Ayers, Brittany Crawford, Melissa Arnold, Alena Sinor, Kristie Luther, Marissa Greenwell, Rhonda Williams, Kristen Coffey, Karen Jackson, Stephanie Swanz, Cindy Hilliard, Liz Davis, Candace Donley, Ashley Johnson, Brittany Rhoden, Heather Brice, Melissa Mains, Teresa Faulkner, Haley Norman, Shelly Bowen, Lilly Chappell, Courtney Cragg, Janelle Reese, Josh Prevatt, Debbie Williams, Kaala Bolton, Gloria Bragg, Bailee Peeples, Tracy Toms, Linda Wilson, Mamaw, Tiffiny Starling, Anne Conner, Angie Bennett, Terri Crawford Williams, Deaon Triebel, Michelle Duncan, Stephanie Clark Merrill, Laci Smith, Charnelle Whittemore, Sherry Stroble-Thomas, Carolynn Cragg, Beth Boone, Cathy Powell.

While dad was in the hospital and rehab we were flooded with cards from all over. From people who didn't even know us! It was insane. I tried to save every card and get every name of the people who sent us cards, but some got lost and there were some that I couldn't make out the name on them. For some, I only have a first name, since that was all that was listed. Either way - THANK YOU to each of you that sent us a card! Dad's wall was covered with cards, and that meant so much to him. He made me open and read every single card that came. My cousins (dad's nieces and nephew) made posters to hang up in the room, and they always made him smile :) so thank you Sommer, Alana, and Zachary. So here are the names of those who send us cards...

Cynthia Berry, Fred and Marlene Stafford, Robin Gay, Janice Cainel, Daren, Tracy, Caleb & Mikayla Mason, Aiosa Orthodontics, Kathy Medlock, Faye Hill, Stuart Branch - Sid, Keith, Jenny, Guy, Janet, Tom O'neal, Wendell Clark, Dago & Julie, Joanne and Wayne Douglas, Deanna Coleman and family, Jim and Jane Williams, Nicole Knight, Kristen Hatcher, Jenna Hewett, Jaime Lyn Register, Fred and Jackie Johm, Rick & Carolyn Cragg, Courtney Cragg, Candace Osteen, Marc and Harriette Jackson, John and Teresa Khune (Dylan and Annabelle), Aunt Mary, Jane and Jennifer, Ryan and Brittany Rhoden (and KJ), Brenda Harkin (Teddy and Matt), Jean Norman, Lynn, Mary Stephen, Pam Cangelosi, Linda Collins, Dianne Moody, Sharon Stucky, Gale Tyler, Jackie Johnson, Valaria Shuford, Marilyn Brooks, Pat, Ellen Harrington, Louise Lichtenburger, Mark & Tami Davis, Shane Parmenter, Brenda Thornton, Donnie Thornton, Jessica Thornton, Nathan Thornton, Nick Thornton, Butch and Carol Gross, Deaon and Jamie Triebel, Edward and Jamie Sullivan, Frank and Connie Mitchell, Catherine and Jerry Becker, Danny and Kristen Davis (and Ryan), Donny & Kim Brooks, Wilbur and Kay, Jerry and Pat, Wailon and Lisa, Roman, Jodie, Stella, Jackson, and Vera Izzo, Miss Minnie, Jeff and Rhonda Williams (and Hunter), Tommy and Lynn Miller, Aaron and Denise Matthews (Alexis and Dakota), Chad and Jennifer Farnsworth, Lori Mann, Diana and Wally Crowe, Dad's office: Dalton, Dustin, Ember, Brandon, Ron, John, Mark, Lana, Russell, Amber, John, Ray, Dianne, and Carmella.

For a month and a half, my family and I drove to Gainesville every day. So, needless to say, we spent a lot of money on gas and food. We also had to figure out how we were going to pay dad's bills while he was out of work. I would like to thank everyone who gave us money or gas cards to help us out with these costs and bills. I really can't thank y'all enough for this - it made a huge difference! Once again... There is no way I could get every person's name, since there were times I couldn't be at the hospital, and some gave money to my family members. But please know we are thankful for each person!!

Brenda, Teddy, and Matt Harkin, John and Teresa Khune, Richard and Debbie Sapp, Aaron and Denise Matthews, Minnie Redding, Doyle and Brenda Thomas, Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Cindy, Mr. Tatum, Rick and Carolyn Cragg, Chad and Jennifer Farnsworth, Ron and JoAnn Denmark, Vicki and Jay Eaves, Perry and Gayle Nicula, Ryan and Brittany Rhoden, Darlene Slattery, Deanna Coleman, Loren and Debbie Boone.

The night of the accident and for about the next week, my phone was blown up. No joke! I got so many texts and phone calls it was insane. But I have saved every text from people and they always encourage me. So, thank you to those who took time to shoot me a quick text or phone call of comfort!

Kaitlin Williams, Johnny Elasik, Brenda Jones, Wale Olaogun, Alyssa Van Den Berg, Madison Strickland, Samantha Clark, Jeff Stockdale, Taylor King, Brandy Caudill, Teddy Harkin, Cody Johnson, Logan Johnson, Tricia Clark, Nathan Thornton, Matt Dyal, Kim Warren, Alan Kerr, Veronica Harris, B.C. Crews, Rhonda Dalton, Kim Cogdill, April Mitola, Lara Gabriel, Megan Sweat, Kyle Dick, Julie Johnson, Danny and Debbie Parmenter, Joy Johnson, Olivia Masters, Stephanie Griffis, Abbie Clark, Kasey Warren, Courtney Cragg, Jacob Toms, Sara Fox, Jamie Ward, Barrett Cooper, Marissa Greenwell, Tracy Greenwell, John Spellman, Kaitlyn Luke, Keiara Sullivan, Ashley Bloomer, Jonathan Coram,Chris Williams, Autumn Cavey, Hannah Reid, Kaitlyn Fitzgerald, Gayle Nicula, Ashleigh Davis, Brittany Rhoden, Alexis Hickox, Doug Massey, Becki Zelnar, Samantha Balkcom, Tabitha Story, Stephanie Human, Charnelle Whittemore, Carrie Crews, Laci Smith, Ryan Story, Jenna Hewett, Jenna Rowland, Meaghan Parmenter, Terry Beck, Courtney Martin, Christy Beck, Kaylyn Beck, Wendy Barnes.

Now I just want to thank people for random things. Not really any "groups" of people. Just different things that people have done for us!

Thank you Mrs. Tricia Clark, Karen Clark, John Clark, and Laci Smith for bring us dinner to the hospital. It was DELICIOUS and it was so nice to eat real food and not food out of the vending machines. :) I love y'all and my family does too!

Thank you to Mrs. Valaria, Mrs. JoAnne, and the other ladies who brought us an amazing home cooked meal when dad got home from rehab. We enjoyed it so much and it was so nice not having to worry about dinner for one night while we adjusted to our new normal. :)

Thank you to Lisa Prevatt and Jenna Rowland for bringing us homemade lasagna! My dad and Shane have talked about that stuff ever since! It was delicious and we are so thankful for y'all taking time out of your day to do that for us. You guys are our family ~ Love y'all:)

Thank you to FBC Starke for the beautiful prayer quilt you made for my dad. I hadn't seen my dad cry since he woke up, until Mrs. Ann Davis walked in with that quilt. He was so overwhelmed with the love and support - it meant a lot to us. Along with the quilt was a letter that they had prayed for dad in their service with many people's signatures. And thank you for the community outreach and collection that you took up from our community. Thank you for showing your love for us in our darkest hour ~

Thank you to the First United Methodist Church in Starke for the gorgeous prayer shawl. On the card you sent us, it says, "May you be cradled in hope, kept in joy, graced with peace, and wrapped in love." And we certainly felt that from your prayers! Thank you!

Thank you to my boss, Charnelle Whittemore, for being so understanding throughout this process. For never hesitating when I needed off to go to the hospital or rehab with dad, for always showing me that you are more than my boss, you are my friend. And my coworkers! Carrie, Stephanie, Cathy, Keith, Debbie, Curtis, Tonya...you all have supported me and loved on me so much. What we have at our office is rare, and I am blessed to work with each of you.

Thank you to my girls ~ Courtney Cragg, Samantha Balkcom, Kasey Warren, and Abbie Clark ~ for getting my mind off of things and for making me laugh. We may not see each other as much as we would like, but at the end of the day I know I have you each to count on. Love you guys!

Thank you to Doyle and Brenda Thomas ~ our family and now our neighbors. Thank you for being such a blessing to us and for offering the house to dad. It has helped so much to have that ramp and shower. We love you guys so much!

A huge thank you to Loren and Debbie Boone - you guys have always been such good friends with our family, and for you to just step in like you did, means more than I can say. Loren and Debbie paid for my dad's electric bill while he was in the hospital - a huge weight off of our shoulders! Please know that we love y'all are are so thankful for you.

And now... let's see if I can get through this without crying (good thing y'all can't see my face!). I'm going to keep this short so I don't! Some thank yous for my loved ones ~

Thank you Shane, for sticking with me through all of my bad moods and crappy days - I couldn't have done it without you. I love you, sweetheart. 

Thank you to my wonderful mom - for being mine and Makayla's rock throughout all of this. A mother's love is like no other, and I am so thankful to have you as my mom. 

Thank you to my little sister - for being so strong. You were tougher than me! I'm so proud of you for how you have handled all of this and for making me laugh when I needed it. I think I'll keep you around. :)

Thank you to my Grandma, Mamaw, Papaw, Uncle Pooh, Aunt Hollie, Zachary, Uncle Daniel, Aunt Michelle, Alana, Sommer, Aunt Joy, Uncle Mike, Gini, Amber, and Seth ~ for just being amazing. our family has always been so strong, but now I feel like we are tied together with even stronger bonds. They way you each just stepped up to help in anyway you could has meant so much. Uncle Pooh, Uncle D, and Aunt Joy - siblings like you 4 are rare, and it is amazing to watch the love that is between you all and dad. Thank you for helping me with papers, bills, moving, and so much more. I really don't think there is a way I could every really say thank you enough, so please know that I love you all so dearly, and I am so blessed to call all of you my family. 

Once again, I'm pretty sure I have missed some people and some names, but please don't take it personally! There were a lot of names to keep up with! My family and I are so thankful for each of you who have helped us throughout this journey so far. And we are thankful for those who do not even know us, those who have prayed all over the country for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Blessings ~

Shelby

First Steps and Flashbacks

Okay folks - here it is. The day you have all been waiting for since last week's post. Today dad took his first steps on his new leg - and it was absolutely wonderful. But before I go into all of those details, I want to ask for prayer for a special couple to my boyfriend and I. On Saturday night, Shane and I got a phone call that Shane's best friend was in a four-wheeler accident and was being taken to the hospital. All we knew was that he was pretty banged up and unconscious. So we took off for Gainesville around midnight. When we pulled up to the ER, so many memories began to flood back, and as we walked in and asked the clerk where to go, as soon as I heard, "4th floor", my heart sunk. ICU/Trauma - dad's floor. I immediately began quietly preparing myself for going back to that place, and I then knew that his injuries were very serious. When we got to the floor, I was able to talk to his parents whom I have known for years, as well as his fiance. I tried to comfort them in knowing that they weren't alone, and I hope they felt that. As I sat in the waiting room quietly observing to myself, I began remembering so many things from those 11 days that dad was in ICU. I can remember every time I heard a door open, or footsteps coming down the hall, or seeing a nurse or doctor, just waiting for some kind of news. After a couple of hours, the doctor came out and informed the family that he was paralyzed. I was in total shock, and my heart broke for his family. As I watched them cry and pray, it was like deja vu. I can remember how there were no words that anyone could say that would ease my pain, and I knew there was no way to ease theirs. All I could do was pray, and that is what I am asking of each of you who read this blog. He is so young, such a funny guy who loves his fiance and his family, and when he does wake up he will face something that no one should ever have to face. Alan needs your prayers, and so does his family and fiance. I'm not going to go into all of the other details, but I just wanted you all to know who and what to pray for. God knows the details and the situation, and I am asking you to all please pray with me.

Alllllll of that is to say that today was a very bittersweet day. Knowing Alan was in the hospital, and then going to watch my dad take his first steps. It was an emotional roller coaster to say the least, but there was so much joy in my heart that this day had finally come. After four months of hospitals, rehab, therapy, wounds, pills, and stretches, our prayers and dreams became a reality. It was so amazing to watch the process of them forming his leg. A friend of ours that goes to church with us came today to video and take pictures. Mr. Victor is very talented, so we were all excited that he could be there to capture these precious moments! Finally, after we sat and waited for an hour and a half for them to put everything together, they walked in with dad's leg. Even though it was metal and plastic, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

Before we knew it, Paul (dad's CPO) had him up and starting to take his first steps! It was so amazing to watch each step and to know how hard so many people prayed for this. As I sat next to my sister, I couldn't help but smile as we watched our dad stand at eye level on his own. What was awesome was that Paul let him take the leg home for practice! We still have a long road to go for him to learn everything he will need, but this was a HUGE step in the right direction. My family and I are so thankful for this day. Never take those that you love for granted - we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Sorry this was such a short post, but I have to go study for my Microbiology test tomorrow, and I knew y'all were waiting! Here are some pictures and video from today. :)

 Blessings ~

Shelby

Would You Go Back and Change It?

AHH! What a crazy week/weekend it has been! I know I said I would try to do two posts in one week since I was on Spring Break, but my week was still crazy, as usual! I did enjoy my Spring Break though, and I definitely loved sleeping in! Thankfully now I am on the down-hill slope and the end of the semester is finally in sight. :)

While I was writing last week's post, it brought back a lot of memories. Not just from the night of the accident, but from those long days and nights at the hospital. I am hoping that with each post I can post a story or memory from dad's "hospital days". There are even a few funny ones! So to start off this post, I want to talk about a night while dad was in ICU that I still think about almost daily.

Have you ever experienced a moment when you literally feel like the wind just got knocked out of you? And not because you tripped over your own feet and fell, but because of something someone said or asked you? There are few times when I have felt that, and the last time I felt that was probably when I found out my parent's divorce was finalized - so it takes a lot to make me react that way. On November 14, dad's last night in ICU, that moment happened for me. Visiting hours were over at 9pm, so most nights it would be just my Grandma and I, and sometimes a few others. On this night, it was around 8pm, so we were back in the room with dad when a nurse came in and informed us that they were going to take dad back for a CT scan to check on the infection in his leg. He was having surgery the next day, so they had to do it that night. Basically, she told us to say our good byes then and that they would have to take him back. They told us that we could stay in the room as they packed all of the machines up and wait until they came to take him. At this point, dad had the tubes out, so all they needed to unhook was his IV and monitors. While he laid there with my Grandma and waited, I walked over to the wall of cards and posters we had in his room and began to add some more to it. My back was to him as I was taping them up, and the conversation that night had been light and casual between us, but out of nowhere he calmly said, "Shelby." I kept hanging up cards and replied, "Yes?" It took him a few seconds to ask, but finally he asked me, "When you've done something like I've done...when you've messed up like I have...would you go back and change it? Should I have bought that bike?" Gut. Punching. Moment. Breath totally knocked out of me. One, I had no clue how to respond, and two, my heart broke because I knew he had started thinking it was his fault that this had happened. I was glad my back was to him because it gave me a moment to compose myself. I put the cards down and slowly walked over to his side with my Grandma. I stood there for a minute and thought about  how to word my answer. I looked at him and said, "Dad...when I think about the thousands of people that your accident has touched and reached, and how it has strengthened our family and our relationships with one another...no. I wouldn't change it." Dad nodded his head and just looked up at the ceiling. I continued, "I can remember when Ben and Mrs. Lisa Kelly passed away in that car accident, and that Sunday when Bro. Don got up in front of the church, he talked about how he wrestled with that question. What if he would have told Mrs. Lisa not to take that job? They wouldn't have been on that road. But he realized that nothing caught God by surprise and that regardless of what road they would have been on, God knew what would happen. That's how I look at your accident. Yes, if you wouldn't have bought that bike you wouldn't have been on that road at that time. But you never knew that car was coming that night, so none of this is your fault. God knew this was going to happen, and I think we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg as far as His plan to use you." He nodded again and kept looking up at the ceiling. I'm not sure if you was pondering my answer or seeing computer screens on the ceiling again due to pain medicine - hehe.

As I said above, I have thought about that conversation daily since dad's accident. And I would be lying to you if I said I had days where I changed my answer. I'm human people, so don't look at me with shock that I have moments of doubt! There are days when I cry and wish this had never happened. I have days constantly where I miss the days before the accident when life was (somewhat) normal. I battle with myself over and over about my answer that night. Would I change it if I could? If I could rewind time or somehow magically see into the future, would I change it? One thing I have had to accept through all of this is that I can't change it, no matter how bad I want to. It's not like the movies where I can sprinkle glitter on my head and wake up 6 months ago. I can't tap my shoes together and wake up from a bad dream. This is our life now. I can remember one Sunday while dad was in rehab, I went to a church service they had. I came in on the middle of the sermon, but it didn't take me long to realize that he was talking about this subject. We often forget that satan had to come before God to attack Job and his family in the old testament of the Bible. Even satan knows what's up - he can't touch a true child of God unless God allows it to happen. Notice that I didn't say *makes* it happen. That's because satan is the one who walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. He is the one who seeks out to bring us heartache and pain; to destroy our lives. That night on county road 235, satan sought out to take my dad and Michelle's lives. He wanted to tear mine and Michelle's family's world apart. He wanted us to cry out in anger at God for what he had done. But, what satan wanted to use for evil, God took it to use for good. Some of you may wonder how in the world I can say that?! How can any good come from this? We have already seen it. My dad and Michelle are miracles.

Almost 2 years ago, I heard a song for the first time at a funeral, never knowing how much it would mean to me today. Many of you have probably heard it. It is called "Blessings" by Laura Story. For those of you who haven't heard it, here are the lyrics and I will post a video so you can listen.

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise"

If you ever talk to my dad, he will tell you up front that if he could somehow magically have his leg back and none of this would have happened, he wouldn't take it back. He doesn't want his leg back. I hope that one day all of you will have the chance to hear him talk about it, so I'm not going to steal his thunder. :) I am learning that that storms can bring blessings, tears can bring healing, and that God's mercy can be shown through our trials. Please hear my heart when you read this - I. Am. Not. Perfect. I don't have everything figured out, and I still have days where I'm angry and days that I cry. But I am determined that I will not allow satan to gain any satisfaction or glory from this. He will not prevail, and despite his best efforts, he will never defeat the amazing and powerful God I serve. Knowing that alone gives me strength, even in my darkest days.

To end this post, I wanted to give an exciting update on dad. As many of you know, he is driving again! Haha, he is on the go more than I am! He gets to go back to work on April 1st - WOOHOO! He actually went down to Bike Week in Daytona Monday night and shared his testimony, and on Tuesday he got to lead two people to the Lord. Needless to say, he came home feeling very blessed. Last week he was able to start therapy in Gainesville two days a week and he goes to the prosthetic office once a week. He absolutely loves therapy - he looks forward to it! Last week they did a cast of his stump to begin building his new leg. The plan was for this Friday to be the day they do their final fit and put the leg together, meaning that he would be taking his first steps soon. Well, on Monday he got a phone call that the mold was ready, so he went over there and they did some adjustments, soooo....drum roll please....that means that on Monday morning, dad will hopefully (if everything fits like they think it will) be taking his FIRST STEPS! And you all know that my sister and I will have video and pictures of it! Dad is beyond excited, and so are we. Very exciting days ahead for dad and our family. Thank you all for reading along with us, and I look forward to writing my post next week, which will hopefully have lots of smiles and happy tears for a huge milestone that dad has achieved. :)

Blessings ~

Shelby

Please God, Don't Take my Daddy.

Phew.... I am really having to talk to myself a lot today to have the courage to post this one. It isn't going to be easy to bring back certain memories and put them in the front of my mind. Many have asked me what happened that night...how did I react...how much of his leg did he lose that night...what time did the accident happen...all of the little stuff. As I thought about all of you reading this and following along with us on this journey, I figured that you all should be on the same page emotionally. Meaning, that in order for you to understand our heartache and also our joy, you must first understand the pain and fear we have suffered and endured. So, I have decided for my first official "post" to be about the night of the accident. From the moment I found out, to rushing to the hospital, to the stories, to the waiting room, to the ICU, and until my head hit the pillow that night, or rather, the next morning. For those who don't know my family very well, my parents divorced in May of 2012, so I was living at my mom's then. I am just giving everyone a heads up that this post will not be an "every little thing is gonna be alright" post. There will be some gory details, and some of the darkest moments my family and I have experienced. I don't say all of this to scare anyone away or to depress anyone, but I want you all to be aware of what you are about to read. For a moment, imagine you are a 21-year-old girl who is just sitting at home on a Sunday night, who has no idea that her life is about to change forever.

November 4, 2012:

I decided not to go to church that night, for no particular reason. Just felt like staying in my pajamas and relaxing. My boyfriend, Shane, was at work, so I was just sitting on my bed scrolling through facebook, when my phone rang around 8 PM. I saw my cousin Gini's name come up. I thought to myself, "That's odd for her to be calling me this late," but I answered in my normal peppy voice, "Hey!" She hesitated and said, "........Heyyy? What are you doing?" To which I responded, "Just sitting on my bed looking on my laptop! You?" There was a long pause, and then she suddenly said, "I gotta call you back," and hung up the phone. I kind of thought it was weird, but after a few seconds it left my mind, and my friend Kasey called me. When I answered, Kasey immediately began ragging me for not being at church that night and telling me she was going to kick my butt for not coming. While we were sitting there goofing off, my little sister came in my room and said that my mom needed us, so I told her I was on the phone and I would be there in a second. As soon as I said that, my mom yelled from her room, "COME HERE! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" I knew she had just gotten out of the shower, so I thought she needed a towel or her clothes. Frustrated, I told Kasey to hold on and I put the phone down on my bed. As I rounded the corner to my mom's room, my sister was standing in the middle of the room and my mom was standing in the hallway by the bathroom. She didn't have anything on, so immediately I became irritated that she called me in there just to bring her some clothes. But before I could get anything out, she calmly said a sentence that shattered my world: "Your dad has been in a motorcycle accident and he is being life-flighted." My eyes shot to my sister and I watched her face crumble in her hands and at that moment I spun around back into my room to get dressed. I had a t-shirt on, so I threw a pair of jeans on and was ready to go. By now I was sobbing. I remembered Kasey was on the phone, so I picked it up and just began screaming, "Kasey! My dad was in a motorcycle accident and he is being life-flighted! HURRY PLEASE HURRY!" She said, "It's going to be okay Shelby, I'm hurrying, I will call you in a few minutes - let me get my dad." I hung up and ran back into my mom's room as she was getting dressed and yelled, "CAN WE GO NOW?!" and took off for the car. In my blurred mind and teary eyes, all I could say out loud was, "Please God! Please God! Please God! Please God!" Praying quietly in my mind wouldn't do the trick. I then remembered Shane at work. He works at the prison, so I would have to call the control room and have them connect me to him. I knew that when I told him, he would leave work, regardless of permission. I then faced the dilemma of, do I call or wait? There was no doubt that I needed him, so I called. The poor woman on the phone could barely understand me, but I think she finally heard the name and knew who I wanted. When he answered, I blubbered and told him what was happening, and as expected, he took off. 

By then my mom and Makayla were out in the car and we spun out of the driveway. Again, all I could keep repeating was, "Please God! Please God!" as I listened to my sister sob in the back seat. How is this happening? This cannot be real life. The images that crossed my mind were of my dad's face ripped off, his head crushed, his heart no longer beating. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. When my mom hit highway 301, she did 95 mph the whole way to Gainesville. And for those who live around here and know the area - yes, she flew through Hampton and Waldo! Her phone was ringing non-stop with my family trying to figure out what was going on. Mom told us that the flight was cancelled due to the weather, and that they were taking him by ambulance. Kasey called to tell me that her and her dad weren't far behind us. As we were flying down 301, I realized that I had to call Michelle, my dad's girlfriend. My mom was on the phone, so I picked up my phone and kept calling Michelle. It kept ringing and ringing and ringing, and then going to voice mail. I called her about three times before it clicked. I think it clicked at the same time for my sister, too. I looked at my mom and said, "Was Michelle riding with him?" and my mom cautiously said, "Yes," as if she knew this would send us over the edge. And it did. It brought on a whole new round of tears and sobs as we realized that not only was my dad fighting for her life, but Michelle was too, and we didn't even know if she was alive. Then I heard my mom say on the phone, "Oh no. Oh my gosh, no." Silence. Then she said, "Okay, I am going to tell them before we get to the hospital so they won't be blind-sided," and at that moment, I just knew that my daddy had died. It was over, and there was no hope. In those few seconds, all I could think of was my wedding day. Who would walk me down the aisle? Who would dance with me? Who would give me away? I felt like I was about to throw up when my mom hung up and calmly said, "Your dad has lost his left leg. He is hurt very badly." I can honestly say that it never once crossed my mind that there was the possibility of my dad losing his leg. All I pictured was brain damage. But he was ALIVE! How?! I began sobbing again, and this time it was because he was suffering. He was probably in so much pain, and I couldn't do anything to help. As we were coming into Gainesville, my cousin Gini called me, and then it hit me that when she called me earlier, she knew. She knew about the accident, and when I responded so normal, she then knew that I had no clue. As I began sobbing, she said, "Everything is going to be okay. We are all on our way from St. Augustine and we will be there soon. We are going to be okay."

As we hung up, I suddenly realized that I was moments away from the hospital, and I had no clue what would be waiting for me when I got there. As we pulled in the ER loop, there was valet parking, so we literally ran out of the car and threw the keys to the guy and took off for the ER entrance. As we were heading towards the entrance, there were so many ambulances and cop cars with their lights on, so I knew that dad hadn't been there long. I went up to the desk and I didn't care that there were 50 people sitting there, I frantically blurted out that we were here for the motorcycle accident that just came in. The desk clerk immediately stood up and said to follow him. He took us through these double doors that lead back to the hall where they had apparently just brought dad and Michelle through, because there were paramedics standing there. The desk clerk brought us to a private room that only sat about 10 people to wait for whatever would happen next. As I rounded the corner and walked in the door, there sat Michelle's only daughter, Jackie, and her boyfriend, Jeremiah. Before the accident, I had only met Jackie once when my dad, Shane and I went to a Gator football game with Michelle. I felt so awkward, and had no idea what to say to the girl whose mom had just been injured riding a motorcycle with my dad. At that time, we didn't know what happened, so I had no clue if it was my dad's fault or someone else's fault. As I sat down across from her, I began to cry and all I could say was, "I'm so sorry that this has happened." Jackie and Jeremiah seemed calm, so I knew that Michelle must be alive still. I heard my mom talking to someone, so I went back out in the hall to find her talking to a few paramedics who had transported dad. We knew them personally, so we were hanging on their every word. They told us that they both were conscious and calm through the whole transport, and that dad was even talking to them on the way to the hospital about my sister and I. They told us that he did lose his leg pretty high up, and that they were trying to save Michelle's. About that time, I saw Kasey and Bro. Charles walking down the hallway towards us. As Kasey embraced me, the double doors to the emergency operating rooms flung open and all I could see were doctors and nurses running from desks to rooms and from rooms to other rooms carrying tubes and blood. I knew my dad was in one of those rooms, and at that moment all I could think about was running through them to find him. If he was conscious, he would want to see me! He would want to know that we were there and that everything would be alright! But before I could even breathe the doors shut again and we were told we had to move away from the doors. I went back in the room to Jackie and told her what the paramedics told me. It was then that she began to cry, and I just couldn't find the words to say. There was no way I could say, "It's going to be okay," or, "I'm so sorry." None of those words would ease the pain that she was experiencing. A doctor then came to us and told us that dad and Michelle were both being taken back for emergency surgery, and that we needed to go to the second floor waiting room to wait for more news. All they could tell us was that they were alive.

As we hurried down the hall and back by the doors to the ER to go to the second floor, my family was walking up. I saw my Aunt Hollie, Uncle Matthew, and my Great Uncle Doug holding my Grandma (my dad's mom) up, because she was crying so hard she could barely walk. When she walked in, the first person she looked at was me and she begged me to tell her if he was alright. For a split second, I considered not telling her yet, because I was terrified that it would send her over the edge. But there was no way that I could keep this from her, so I told her that he did lose his leg and that's all we know. There are many things I fear that I will never be able to get out of my mind, and one of those is my grandma's sobs as she tried to have strength to stand and breathe. When we were able to calm Grandma enough to walk, we headed upstairs to sit. Sit and wait for whatever fate was awaiting us by the end of the night.

As soon as we got upstairs, I witnessed one of the most moving and touching sights I have ever seen. Many people who live in my small hometown of Starke talk about how much they hate it because it's so small and everyone knows everyone's business, but I will never ever forget the people who piled in the waiting room and the people who called, sent texts, and posted on facebook. Friends and family came in the waiting room and sat with us for hours as we cried and prayed together and brought us an insane amount of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Hundreds of people sent out messages and posts to pray for my family. My friend, Laci, and her family had just experienced the loss of her dad to cancer just a month before my dad's accident. I can remember seeing her walk into the waiting room, after just losing her dad, to come comfort me as mine fought for his life. My heart was forever changed by witnessing so many people coming together for my family. As more people came, the more we heard, "We saw the ambulances and cars go by," or "We could hear so many sirens and I immediately knew something was wrong." There were so many puzzle pieces we would have to put together, and my brain just didn't know where to start. We did get a phone call that it did appear to be the people in the other lane's fault; they crossed the line and hit my dad and Michelle. It also was told to us that my dad was not wearing a helmet, but Michelle was. My Uncle Matthew, whom we call "Pooh", told me about how he found out. He was drinking coffee with his wife and in-laws when his phone rang. When he answered, a woman asked for Sharon. Pooh told her that he was Sharon's son, and the woman told my uncle that my dad was in a motorcycle accident and that it was very, very bad. She told him the location, and we laugh about it now, but he literally flew practically on two wheels to the scene. Right as he got there, he could see them loading my dad up into the ambulance, so he ran over and started to climb in when he had to be restrained. Thankfully, it was by paramedics and men who knew him, who explained that the medics were doing their best, and they couldn't risk him delaying that. They told my uncle where they were taking him, and that is how the phone calls got started. Apparently, my dad had told the people who found him to call my grandma, but gave them Pooh's number. At first, I have to admit, I wondered why he wouldn't have called me? But the more I think about it, the more thankful I am that God plans every detail, and I truly believe that I would not have handled it as well as my uncle did. My Uncle Pooh is the youngest out of my dad's three siblings, but he has done so much for his big brother. Hearing him tell me all of this made me so thankful for my family, and that we were bound and determined to plead to God to spare my daddy's life.

After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor finally came out and asked where my dad's family was. This doctor couldn't have been more that 120 pounds soaking wet, and stood at about 5-feet tall. As the crowd of people huddled in, he again asked where my dad's family was, and as I opened my mouth to respond, I heard my Uncle say loud and clear, "We're ALL family here." While some chuckled, I stood there absolutely terrified. I held my breath and prepared myself for whatever news the doctor would give. Did my dad die? Is he in a coma? Is his brain damaged? And with that, the doctor told us that dad was what they called "critically stable." He did lose his leg, his pelvis was very badly broken, and his arm was pretty mangled. They were unable to do any surgery due to dad's body not being strong enough to handle it, so they were taking him up to ICU to wait and hopefully perform surgery the next day. He told us that dad did have a small bruise on his brain, but that it was nothing to be concerned about, but other than that, there was no brain damage. It took me a minute to process all of this... I had prepared myself so much for the absolute worst, and my daddy was still alive!! We were told that the immediate family could go up to ICU, and that he had a "trauma name" that we would have to use to get in. Dad's name was Trauma Xavier. As we made our way upstairs, my heart was pounding so hard. I was sweating, but my whole body was shivering. My sister, Grandma, Aunt, and both Uncle's were the first one's to go back. As we began walking down the hall, with each step my resolve was fading. How am I going to do this? What am I about to see? As I walked into his room, it took my breath away. There were so, so many machines, tubes, monitors, and tears. Lots of tears. My daddy, the strongest man I have ever known. The man who I watched jump out of airplanes and fly to enemy soil to fight for his country; the man who built my tree house with his strong, worn hands; the man who taught me to be a fighter and to be brave, was laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a ventilator, fighting to live. I looked down and saw the one leg impression, and the flat surface where the other leg should be. I looked at the tubes down his nose and throat, and the one draining blood from his leg. I looked at his face, his big brown eyes were hidden under his eyelids, and I didn't know when I would have the chance to see them again. I looked at his hands that were so swollen, and in that moment, all I knew was that he had to live. If he didn't, I wasn't sure if I would ever make it myself. How could this be happening? How could this be real life? What are we going to do? Where are we going to go from here? As my family and I gathered around his bed and wept and prayed, a nurse came in. It turned out that she was actually from Starke, and knew my family. Once again, a God thing. She told us that his vitals were doing okay, but they would have to monitor him over night before they would know about surgery the next day. As we left his room and walked down to our cars around 3:30 in the morning, we were exhausted. We made it home around 4:30, and I took a hot shower and laid down. I can't say I went to sleep, because my mind was racing in so many directiosn. All I could think about was how I'm laying in my bed, and my dad is in a hospital fighting to stay alive. I'm pretty sure the last time I looked at the clock was 5:45, and we were back up at 6:30 to get back to the hospital for visiting hours to start at 8 am. That morning before we left for Gainesville is when I made my first facebook post. Never knowing the hundreds of people I would meet and people who would read them on a daily basis. Looking back on that night, I wish there was a way that I could allow you to feel the comfort and peace my family had around us. It wasn't a matter of how were we going to get through this, it was a matter of how GOD was going to get us through this. My dad is a son of the true Physician, and there were no better hands for him to be in. We knew that God's timing is perfect, and that there is always a greater reason for our trials, so we had to lean on the hope and truth that regardless of what happened, that God's will would be done. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I prayed so hard over and over, "Please God, don't take my daddy. Please." And how thankful I am that God spared his and Michelle's lives and began a journey that would change all of our lives in ways we never dreamed of.

Believe it or not, that was a condensed version of that night. There are so many other details and stories that I could tell you, but I'm pretty sure your eyes are probably burnt from looking at this screen for so long. Now you all know, somewhat, the events of that night from my perspective, I hope that when you read my posts that you all can have a connection with me and the meanings behind the words that I write. I hope to write another one this week sometime, since I am on spring break, but we will see how that goes. :) Thank you for taking time to read this post, and I ask that you continue to pray for my dad. This road is still bumpy, but we are learning to lean with the curves!

Blessings ~

Shelby