Strength for Today; Hope for Tomorrow.: You Can't Repeat the Past.

Hey everyone! Happy Late Mother's Day to all of the mommies who read my blog :) and to my mommy, who in my opinion is the best one out there!

I just have to take a minute and say thank you to all of you who have been following along with my blog and thank you for taking a few minutes to sit down and read my crazy ramblings! My blog has had over 2,350 views in just 2 and a half months... That is WAY more than I ever thought! I truly hope and pray that this blog ministers to someone or touches someone's heart as they read. Maybe you're experiencing a heartache that has nothing in common with our heartache, but you can relate to the emotions and frustrations that we are experiencing. Or maybe you or someone you know has been injured in a motorcycle accident or might be an amputee. Perhaps your life is going great and it just makes you happy to read along! Whatever the case may be, thank you for traveling on this journey with me. It really means a lot to know that so many care about what a young small-town girl like myself has to say!

Dad is doing really well! Mentally and emotionally he has recovered from his fall, but not quite physically. His stump is still VERY swollen and sore. Tuesday he went to his prosthetic doctor and even he was not too happy with dad's stump. This week will make three weeks since he has been able to do therapy, and that is no good! The other night he told me that it makes him so mad to see his new leg sitting against the wall and he can't do anything with it. Yesterday he went to the after hours clinic at OSMI, which is where he goes for his check-ups with his surgeon. There is no fracture, and they gave him some medication to help with the swelling and pain. Please be praying for dad and that he will heal quickly so he can get back to walking!

Dad is also getting ready to start back to work full-time instead of part-time. He loves his job and where he works, and we are so fortunate to have their understanding and support. I have had many people who have asked me where dad works. He started working at Gulf Coast Supply in Alachua just a few months before his accident. From the start, it was evident that their company had a great group of people with great integrity and truly cared about their employees. The night before dad's accident he told me and my family about a possible promotion to outside sales in the near future, and he was ecstatic. When the accident happened, of course the thought of bills and money scared me, because there was no way I could pay for them on my own. And what about the future? Would they still keep dad's job? Then one day when we were in the ICU, one of dad's bosses came to see him. My uncle talked to him for a bit and then he came and sat down with me and told me that they loved my dad and that whenever he was ready, his job would be waiting on him. I just busted out crying in the waiting room because 1) that weight was lifted off of my chest and 2) I was overjoyed by how loved my dad was. They continued to visit dad, and right before dad was released from rehab, they bought him an iPad for Christmas from the company. Needless to say, my family and I LOVE Gulf Coast Supply, and I'm just throwing this in for free... if you ever need any metal, roofing supplies, etc, Gulf Coast is where you need to go! They have great Christian values and they are a great group of people, including this cool guy named Barry. ;)

Now, it is time for some more of my crazy rambling... Hehe. :)

Last Saturday, Shane and I went and saw the new movie, "Gatsby." I have not read the book, but I really enjoyed the movie! I thought the special effects were awesome and as always, Leo DiCaprio was as handsome and debonair as ever. The next day I started thinking about the movie and the message it wanted to get across to the audience. To me, that's how you know you've seen a good movie: when you leave with something that you didn't expect. From the previews, I expected to see a passionate love story, extravagant parties, and a happy ending. Without ruining the movie for those who plan to see it, let's just say I didn't see all of those things.

When I thought the movie was about to go in a certain direction, it would pull a u-turn and go somewhere else. Overall, I left the movie thinking about the past. The entire movie revolved around the question: can you repeat the past? Can you change it? Unless you have a time machine, you cannot change the past, but.... can you repeat it? That question and idea has been cooking in the back of my mind ever since.

Everyone always tells us that we shouldn't regret the past because everything happens for a reason and we learn from it. I can't speak for anyone, but I know that for myself, I do. Yes, I learn from my mistakes and better myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't desperately wish for a remote control that I can use to rewind to past decisions and change the outcome. Looking back, I have made decisions that have literally changed the course of my life. And there are some that I'm not sure if I will ever forgive myself for making. There are people that I have hurt, bridges I have burnt, memories I have erased, and tears that I have shed that I wish I could change. I'm not sure if you've ever heard the song "A Lot of Things Different" by Kenny Chesney, but I will never forget hearing that song and crying when I heard the line, "People say they wouldn't change, even if they could... Oh, but I would."

I have desperately tried all throughout my life to hold on to the past and keep wishing for another chance. I sometimes felt as though I was watching others get chance after chance after chance, while I sat in the background just waiting for my second one. Over the years, holding onto things in the past left a bitterness in me; a feeling of anger for things not going the way that I wanted them. I can remember praying to God, so selfishly, knowing that if it was His will, it would have happened.

Then there are times when I'm thankful for the past. I'm thankful for memories with friends and family, and yes, even for some of the mistakes I made. Some people hold on so desperately to the past, as if it's the only thing keeping them afloat. I've been there, and it is not a fun place to be. It's hard for our fragile minds to truly understand that the past is the past and all we can do is move forward. I don't know about you, but I don't handle change well, which is kind of funny when you think about it because our world is changing constantly. The only thing that has remained consistent in my ever-changing world, is the unconditional love and grace from the One who holds the pen in His hand and who knows every pain and joy I will experience. He holds my future, and that means that nothing can catch him by surprise.

So, even though I may regret things in my past, I can't change it, and I can't repeat it. No matter how I try. Like Gatsby, he had to learn the hard way that things change, and we can't live in the past. So rather than dwelling on it, I move forward. I choose to look ahead. With change, there comes a new normal. for example, when my parents got divorced, my world was shattered and the normal I thought I new, became awkward and forced. Eventually, as time went by, my sister and I had to let go of the past and begin adjusting to a "new" normal. While it wasn't the normalcy we wanted, we realized it was either sink or swim. As we began to heal and adjust, dad's accident happened. Once again, our world was shattered and the normal we were beginning to become familiar with became foreign, and our lives were in limbo. Now, we are once again having to adjust to a new normal, but this time, I welcome this new normal. Compared to the one I was adjusting to a year ago, I must say that this one is much better. Relationships are stronger, past hurts are forgiven, and our faith has been tested and proved. I look forward to the day when I can look back on this time and smile, because I will know that it was the catalyst that set in motion a stronger future for my family and I. Who knew such beauty could come from the past?

Blessings ~

Shelby

P.S. - Just for fun, I thought I would post some oldies ;)