2 Months?!?! Really? It has been 2 months since my last post! Life has been crazy busy lately, and to be honest, I haven't been inspired to really write about anything. I heard a quote a few years ago when I was writing a paper for school by Plato that said, "Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something." I never want this blog to be a place where I just post aimless ideas with no substance. I want the topics I discuss and the stories that I tell to be words of encouragement and thought-provoking. However, at the end of the day if I can minister to one person, it is all worth it. Thank you for reading along with me and experiencing this "new normal" with us. My blog has now reached 2,790 views, which is INSANE! I am so humbled by all God has done and continues to do in our lives. My cup overflows. :)
Wow, where to begin? A lot has happened in two months! Dad is finally back at work full-time, and his stump has healed enough for him to begin therapy again! Dad's new therapist has worked with amputees before, so he really pushes dad and pours himself into his work. Dad even said he has started making him walk with a cane instead of his crutches! That may not seem like much, but it is a big deal! At the end of the day, dad is slap worn out! He is always busy, but now that he only has one leg, it's twice the work. I am still amazed at his spirit and his constant determination to keep going. He has truly touched so many lives, and it is all thanks to the ultimate Healer who has poured out his blessings on my dad. Every time I think back on that night on November 4th, I can't help but tear up at the many battles God led my family and I through, and the battles He carried my dad and his broken body through. God is GOOD! During the month of June I traveled to Tennessee to work at a youth camp, and then when I came home I had my wisdom teeth removed. So I was gone from dad's and staying at my mom's during that week. Before I left for the second week of camp, my dad and I were at dinner with my little sister, and he started to talk in that "serious" tone...y'all know what I'm talkin' about! He then told me that he wanted me to move back home to my mom's. Not because he didn't want me to live with him, but he knew how much I missed my home, my bed, my cat, my bathroom. He told me that he is now able to do pretty much everything on his own, and that he genuinely wants me to start staying at my mom's. Now, that's not to say that I won't stay over there some nights and help him out when he needs it. Even though I was happy to be back at mom's in my bed, I still had a good cry. I think I will always be that way. I hate change, and even if it's good change, I still have a hard time adjusting! I'm starting to think God is trying to teach me something... :) As many of you have heard, I was accepted into the Dental Hygiene program at Santa Fe College. I am beyond excited to start this chapter (and get school over with - ha!), but I am extremely nervous. As I opened my letter, my mom and sister were standing with me and my dad was on speaker phone. When I read the first sentence that said, "Congratulations on your acceptance into the 2013 Dental Hygiene program at Santa Fe College!", my dad began to cry on the phone. I am so thankful that he is here to experience these moments, birthdays, holidays, and milestones. We are so blessed!
Three years ago I started working at a camp through Rick Coram Ministries called "PowerLife." I attended PowerLife years ago in 2004, but I never thought I would ever come back years later to work on the staff! Thanks to my friend, Kasey, and an awesome letter of recommendation from Bro. Charles Warren, I was offered an opportunity that many apply for! Now, fast-forward 3 years and if you did your math right, this was my 4th year working at PowerLife. I honestly wasn't sure if I would be able to go this year due to all that has been going on over the past several months. But God opened the door and I was able! PowerLife is a student camp for students 6th-12th grade. We have one week in June that takes place in Johnson City, TN, and another week in July in Winnsboro, SC. The weekend before the second week there is an adult conference in St. Simons Island, GA. The staff at PowerLife is literally like a family that has a reunion every year. Many late nights are spent catching up with everyone and soaking up every minute that we can together before we have to go home.
Going in to PowerLife this year, my heart was heavy and my soul was weary. I have never spoken out about this subject, but as you all are walking and reading with us, I have prayed and feel like someone needs to hear this story, and how God will truly never forsake you. In the fall of 2011 after my parents first separated, I slowly began falling into depression. I knew something wasn't right with me. I would stay in bed all day, toss and turn all night, and have nightmares frequently. I began not answering my phone and never calling people back. I shut my family out and quit reading my Bible and talking to God. I let my mind become consumed with negativity and lies. This went on for months, and I hid it from everyone. In January of 2012 I had an anxiety attack at work. I had no clue what was happening to me until the doctor told me it was an anxiety attack. I was scared and mad at the same time. Scared, because I didn't realize how serious this was, and mad because I had let myself get this bad. So at that point, I decided to fight. I began fighting my depression and waking up every day determined to not let it define me. I pushed out Satan's lies and trash with God's truth and word. After months of struggle, I was finally starting to feel like Shelby again. My relationship with my parents was starting to heal, and I was finally accepting the divorce and that I had to find a new normal. I met Shane and I started to let myself be happy again. Next thing you know....BAM! Dad's accident. While many may think that the events of those first few weeks would be enough to send me over the edge, they didn't. I drew closer to the Lord and felt his presence and peace more than ever before. Instead of pushing God away, I begged Him to draw near. I begged him to carry us through, and He heard our cries and answered our prayers. We saw miracles performed and lives changed. When dad came home, many know that I moved in with him to help take care of him. I was also in school full-time and working part-time. My life was non-stop, so that daily routine of waking up and preparing myself to fight my depression was put on the back burner. When a person is diagnosed with depression and overcomes it, unfortunately they struggle with it for the rest of their lives. So all of a sudden, my depression symptoms came back and blind sided me. I didn't understand! Why?! Why now? Although my life was crazy, I had so many things going for me. But this time, I was realized that I had to say something. It wasn't healthy and I knew I needed help on how to deal with this. I only have my AA in psychology, but I did learn a little bit from those two years! I sat my parents down and explained to them what was going on and that I had made an appointment with a Christian Counselor at FBC Jax in Jacksonville. It was emotional for all of us, but they showered me with love and support. Alllllllll of that is to say that, going into PowerLife, I was worried about being away from home, but I was so ready to see the staff and my other "family." As soon as I got to PowerLife, so many came up to me and hugged my neck, and the first things they asked me was, "How is your dad?!" Several stopped and just looked me in the eye and genuinely asked, "How are you?" Those words meant more than they will ever know. The theme of the camp this year was "I Surrender." We studied the lives of Noah, David, and Mary, who all surrendered their lives for something greater. God worked on my heart throughout the weeks and I knew I had to surrender my depression, my anxiety, my fear all to Him. If I held on to them, I would miss what He had for me. I came home with such a clarity and new outlook on some things. And not to mention, I had the awesome opportunity to lead my little sister to the Lord during week one! It was amazing and definitely a moment that I will never forget. Overall, between the two weeks of camp we saw a total of 111 students saved and surrender their lives to Christ! How awesome is that?!
During week two (July 15-19), what ministered to me the most was the music. Ever since dad's accident, music has found a home in my heart, and I came to a point where music is more than just words and instruments. Words come alive and speak in ways that nothing else can. When we sing praises to our Father for all He has done for us, our soul cries out we are given a small glimpse into what Heaven will be like. We had some awesome musicians there, such as Daniel Crews, the Jason Cox Band, No Other Name, Danny Orteli, and Erica Branch. They all are talented and have such a huge heart for the Lord. The Praise Team is compiled of some amazing musicians and singers, and it is led by Kirk Ayers. Last year Bro. Kirk sang many songs that helped me through dad's accident, and this year he did it again! I truly believe God used him and the praise team to minister to my heart and soul through their songs. Just about every night I would eventually have to mouth the words because every time I would sing, a big lump would catch in my throat as I realized the words we were singing were our lives wrapped up in a 3 minute song. I'm funny about crying in front of people, since I am an ugly crier, and I also feel so vulnerable. But there are times when I think we all could use a good cry, and I definitely got a few of them. I just want to take a few minutes to share with you the lyrics of some of the songs that spoke to me...
"You Never Let Go" - Matt Redman
*Danny sang this song one night, and even though I heard it years ago, it was the first time I heard it in a long time, and the words have a totally different meaning now.*
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life,
I won't turn back I know You are near.
I will fear no evil, for my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh, no, You never let go.
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh, no, You never let go,
In every high and every low.
Oh, no, You never let go,
Lord, You never let go of me.
I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,
A glorious light beyond all compare.
There will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes,
We'll live to know You here on the Earth.
I will fear no evil, for my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh, no, You never let go.
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh, no, You never let go,
In every high and every low.
Oh, no, You never let go,
Lord, You never let go of me.
I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on,
and there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes,
still I will praise You; still I will praise You.
Oh, no, You never let go.
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh, no, You never let go,
In every high and every low.
Oh, no, You never let go,
Lord, You never let go of me."
"Never Once" - Matt Redman
*I had never heard this song until PowerLife, and it is truly our lives over the last 8 months. Thank you, Bro. Kirk, for following the Lord's voice and bringing this song to PowerLife.*
"Standing on this mountain top,
looking just how far we've come,
knowing that for every step, You were with us.
Kneeling on this battleground,
seeing just how much You've done,
knowing every victory, was Your power in us.
Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say,
Yes, our hearts can say...
Never once did we ever walk alone,
never once did you leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.
Kneeling on this battleground,
seeing just how much You've done,
knowing every victory, was Your power in us.
Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say,
Yes, our hearts can say...
Never once did we ever walk alone,
never once did you leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.
Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say,
"Never once did we ever walk alone!"
Carried by Your constant grace,
held within Your perfect peace,
Never once, will we ever walk alone!
Never once did we ever walk alone,
never once did you leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.
Every step we are breathing in Your grace,
ever more we'll be breathing out Your praise,
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.
You are faithful, God, You are faithful."
As we prepared to pack up and head home on Friday, Bro. Rick pulled all of the student servants into a private room. He just wanted to thank us for all of the work we do, and to pray with us. This year many of us knew that this would most likely be our last year working at the camp, including me. As Bro. Rick began to talk about change and some of us moving on, I was overcome with emotion, and as he prayed over us and got choked up himself, I couldn't stop it... Yes, I cried in front of people! Haha, it is rare that I do that, but like I said, sometimes crying isn't a bad thing. I left PowerLife anxious to get home, but longing to be with my PowerLife family again. I am so thankful for the 4 years I have been able to serve at PowerLife. I'm not sure how next summer will play out, but I know that if it is God's will, I will be able to go, and if it's not, He will shut that door. But I just wanted to close this blog by thanking Bro. Rick for welcoming me and for loving on me. Thank you to all of the staff for how you have loved on me through some dark times in my life, and for being an example of what the body of Christ should look like. I love each of you!
Now that I have finally caught up, I am hoping to get back to blogging regularly. We'll see how that goes... :)
Blessings ~
Shelby
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