First... I'M A MARRIED WOMAN, Y'ALL! Shane and I tied the knot on July 19th, and it was literally the happiest day of my life. I have spent the past year planning every tiny detail. A lot of things I made at home with the help of my friends and family. And it all paid off, because everything went off without a hitch! I married my best friend and danced the night away surrounded by our family and friends...it was perfect.
As many of you know by now, I have always been a daddy's girl. In my previous posts on here and on facebook I have mentioned many times thinking about my wedding day. My dress, the music, my dad walking me down the aisle... I have dreamed of it since I was a little girl. I can remember when I was real young - maybe 4 years old, give or take - I used to go to work with my dad in Lake City. He was in the military and worked at the Armory. We would have to get up reeeeally early and head west on State Road 100. I can remember the whole way there and the whole way back listening to Bob Carlisle's "Butterfly Kisses" on a tape in his truck. It was our song, and I knew every word. When he would tuck me in at night, he would always lean down and turn his cheek so I could reach up and give him butterfly kisses with my tiny eyelashes. In my eyes, there was no greater man than my dad. He was strong, brave, and tough as nails. Yet, he was also gentle, loving, and wasn't afraid to cry in front of his family. I could never imagine a world where he didn't exist. We built truck engines, tree houses, and chicken coops together. We loved John Wayne movies and Hershey kisses were our weakness.
As time passed, I began to grow up. Sleepovers at friend's houses, majorette competitions every weekend, and talking on the phone to my friends filled my spare time. But, I still managed to find time to spend with my dad.
Then we blinked, and I was graduating high school. Starting college. Figuring out my place in life. I was so caught up in my own world that I didn't notice my parent's world falling apart. It was kind of like a stubbed toe. You really don't notice your toes much, until you practically break it off on the corner of the table. Then it seems like you can't quit hitting it on every immovable object you pass. Once I noticed the lack of communication between the two, it was everywhere I turned. I couldn't get away from it. The arguments, the separation, the questions from people who had nothing else better to do. How was this happening to my family? I became angry. And bitter. And depressed. At first, I just stayed away from the house. I moved out with some friends. I remember when I decided to move out, my dad came to me one day and started crying. He asked me to please stay home. He didn't say it, and he didn't have to, but I knew it was because he knew once I left he would be alone. My parent's marriage was hanging by a thread, and that thread was my sister and I. Looking back on that moment now, I was so selfish. I moved out anyway and continued on with my life. My parents eventually separated, and I ignored it with alcohol, friends, and school. It was so much easier to just forget than to face my new reality. My relationship with my parents became very strained. I moved back home, but I would just lock myself in my room and stay in bed. Anxiety attacks made me want to sleep, but nightmares kept me awake. It was a time in my life I never wish to relive.
But...little by little God began healing my heart. I was so ridden with shame and guilt for the things I had done. Abandoning my little sister to face our broken family alone. Barely speaking to my parents. Shutting the world out and letting my depression consume me. I tell you all these things not to have you feel sorry for me, but to show you how much of a mess our family was, and then how God's grace brought us back together. I accepted my parent's divorce, and began adjusting to our new reality. We began having family dinners at my dad's new place, and when holidays came along, my sister and I went to 2 family parties. I had been dating Shane for a few months and it seemed like our world was finally coming back into orbit and my heart was healing. Then BAM. The accident.
In an instant, our world stopped spinning. It was like everything was in slow motion, yet looking back it all happened so fast. I have written many times about our ride to the hospital that night. When we initially got the phone call, we were told he was being taken by life flight, and it wasn't looking like he would arrive alive. As a matter-of-fact, the hospital was prepping for a dead body, and the investigation began as a homicide. As I sat in that passenger seat, all I could think about was my wedding day. My dad and I had finally began to have a relationship again, and everything was good. Now what? Who would walk me down the aisle? Who would dance with me? Then we got a phone call that informed us that he was alive, but barely. He had lost his entire left leg, his left arm was torn to shreds, and he was bleeding internally. We began sobbing, because we knew he was suffering. Then I thought about my wedding day again...if he lived, how would he walk with me and dance with me? There were so many unknowns, and I was so overwhelmed. A week later when my dad woke up in ICU and had the breathing tube removed, I was getting ready to go home for the night, and I shared a special moment with my dad. As I told him goodnight I said, "I haven't done this in awhile, and I've been waiting to do it all week. I'm gonna give you some butterfly kisses." I leaned down and fluttered my eyelashes on his cheek and asked, "Can you feel that?" He quietly and sweetly whispered, "Yes." It was one of the most precious moments of my life, and I will treasure it forever.
As you all know, our story has a happy ending! On July 19th, 2014, my dad walked me down the aisle and gave me away to my husband, and he danced with me to "Butterfly Kisses" at our reception. And he did all of that without using his crutch! He wore his military dress uniform, so when I saw him all dressed up, you couldn't even tell he had a prosthetic on. He pushed himself and relied on God's strength - and he did it! I was so proud, and my heart was so full. To see my mom and dad sitting together at my wedding, and my mom helping him...it was as if it all came full circle. I may never understand why God allows certain things to happen, but I TRUST him; whatever the outcome is, he will still hold my world in his hands. Through that dark time in our life, God brought me and my dad back together. He brought my mom and I back together. He strengthened my sister and I's relationship. He brought my parents back together. He performed miracles that doctor's can't even explain. He spared my dad's life and gave him the strength to push through and overcome every obstacle. He healed our broken hearts. How deep the father's love for us... How great is our God!
Dad has been working with his prosthetic on a new knee...and $80,000 knee!! But it is awesome, and he seems to really like it! Dad also just took a new job with a company called Fulcrum that does commercial buildings. He has to travel a lot, but this company has opened up so many opportunities for him, and they are aware of his "situation" and have made accommodated his needs. I included some pictures of his new knee, and of the wedding day.
Thank you to all of you for following us on this journey. Maybe some of you have traveled on a similar journey. Maybe you struggle with depression like me. Maybe you are an amputee or have a family member who is one. Maybe you come from a broken family. Maybe you have never experienced anything like this, but you have your own battles you are facing. Maybe you are defeated and need a renewed hope. Whatever the case may be, I hope that this blog has helped at least one person to know that they are not alone. I pray that God blesses each person who reads this blog, and that He will touch each of your needs with his healing hand.
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
Blessings ~
Shelby
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